Countdown to JFK50 – The Resentment Stage

Yes. I have entered the resentment stage of training. It’s the first for me. Now, I’ve been through the inevitable “taper tantrums” where you check out mentally and physically, but this is different. For the first time, I don’t care if I finish this race or not. I just want it over with. Even though I recently finished two marathons, one a PR and one an international one, my training has been shit. Barely eeked out a 50-mile week and was lucky to get 30 miles in a week. It’s not that I didn’t want to train…I WANTED to so badly, but shit happened. Asthma had my number this year (that bastard) and I lost my momentum. Then you have life…work…and life again. Oh, and I got a freaking dog too. As a cat person, I had no idea how much of a time commitment dogs were. <sigh>

For some reason, I was unable to balance the whole training with the illnesses, life, and work. I’m usually a wiz at it, but not this time. I’m not making excuses, no one is to blame. Perhaps I’ve over-committed myself with this race. I know I did. I knew it the day I mailed in my registration. But my love for the run and thrill of the race won over the stupid voice inside my head that said, “seriously, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

My friend Megs introduced me to the term “resentment stage” and she was dead on. I’m completely bitter about the whole thing. The fact that training sucked and the fact that I lost that fire in my belly. It’s not like me and I don’t like this at all. I’m burnt out. I thought about quitting, but I refuse to defer.

So, Saturday at 7 a.m., I’m going to try my third ultramarathon this year, my second 50-miler, very under-trained and less than enthusiastic. I’ve been trying to light that fire in my belly and get excited about it, but that stupid little spark just won’t stay lit. Running is all mental. If I can’t get my head in the game, there is no way that my body will follow. So, this week, I MUST get my head back in the game. I’ve committed myself to this race, so I’m going all in. I have to remember why I wanted to do this…it was supposed to be fun! Right now, it’s not.

Resentment Stage – Ever experience this?

when you think about quitting

14 thoughts on “Countdown to JFK50 – The Resentment Stage

  1. Hang in there Sandy!! Many of us have had this(and a few currently) and it happens. Yes, do the best to get your head in. Remember why you started and remember you GET to run, a blessing we sometimes forget. I’ll be routing for you and all my buddies doing this race this weekend. 💜

  2. As Cindy stated, we don’t have to run. We GET to run. My fiancé is an amputee. He reminds me of this every day. He used to be a competitive track & cross country athlete. He was fast. Now he wishes he could run like me. And he lives vicariously through me. I’m doing jfk Saturday. I’m undertrained & injured. I probably shouldn’t be out there. Everyone else believes in me when I’m doubting myself. My fiancé said to me “starting & not finishing is better than not starting at all”. So I’m going out there and I will start! This will be my very first ultra period! So look for me! I met you at Baltimore & the endless summer 6 hr run. I will be slow! I’m short & I’ll have a black hat on 🙂 You will do great. Remember why you started. And remember running is a gift. Not everyone is blessed to run. And reflect back on the history of JFK 50. JFK the president had challenged the marines and nation to walk. Many people all over started doing just that. So when it becomes rough, just have fun and walk if you can’t run 🙂 if anything else, because you CAN!

  3. You can do it!! I’m cheering for you!! Just make it to the finish and you’ll have this done and completed forever- then rest up!!! Sometimes knowing one last race before a good rest period can be a huge motivator! Good luck- you’re awesome!

  4. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I felt that way just before the VT50. Total Wind Out Of My Sails Moment. And I’m not sure how or why that happened. I will tell you that it did start to ignite a few days before my 50K when I started to get my shit together. Nothing like the last minute, right? You’ve come so far and are so damn fierce! Get it together, Lady! I’m rooting for you!!!! 🙂

  5. I’ve been there and was at the point of dropping out of the JFK ’13 at the 30 mile mark when I was on my hands and knees throwing up. I couldn’t keep anything down from miles 18-32 and was done with it. Like mentioned in your post, I thought about why I even crossed the start line in Boonsboro and then it all came back to me between miles 34 and 38. I ended finishing in 11:15 with a fractured left foot (fall on AT) but the perseverance was worth it. My thoughts were on the people I knew that were expecting me to finish as well as how mad I would be at myself if I DNF based on just giving up.

    I’ll be back at the starting line again this year in Boonsboro – good luck on Saturday: will be thinking about you!

  6. Pingback: 2014 JFK 50 Mile Ultramarathon Recap – Chasing Cutoffs. | So What? I run.

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