Yes. I have entered the resentment stage of training. It’s the first for me. Now, I’ve been through the inevitable “taper tantrums” where you check out mentally and physically, but this is different. For the first time, I don’t care if I finish this race or not. I just want it over with. Even though I recently finished two marathons, one a PR and one an international one, my training has been shit. Barely eeked out a 50-mile week and was lucky to get 30 miles in a week. It’s not that I didn’t want to train…I WANTED to so badly, but shit happened. Asthma had my number this year (that bastard) and I lost my momentum. Then you have life…work…and life again. Oh, and I got a freaking dog too. As a cat person, I had no idea how much of a time commitment dogs were. <sigh>
For some reason, I was unable to balance the whole training with the illnesses, life, and work. I’m usually a wiz at it, but not this time. I’m not making excuses, no one is to blame. Perhaps I’ve over-committed myself with this race. I know I did. I knew it the day I mailed in my registration. But my love for the run and thrill of the race won over the stupid voice inside my head that said, “seriously, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
My friend Megs introduced me to the term “resentment stage” and she was dead on. I’m completely bitter about the whole thing. The fact that training sucked and the fact that I lost that fire in my belly. It’s not like me and I don’t like this at all. I’m burnt out. I thought about quitting, but I refuse to defer.
So, Saturday at 7 a.m., I’m going to try my third ultramarathon this year, my second 50-miler, very under-trained and less than enthusiastic. I’ve been trying to light that fire in my belly and get excited about it, but that stupid little spark just won’t stay lit. Running is all mental. If I can’t get my head in the game, there is no way that my body will follow. So, this week, I MUST get my head back in the game. I’ve committed myself to this race, so I’m going all in. I have to remember why I wanted to do this…it was supposed to be fun! Right now, it’s not.
Resentment Stage – Ever experience this?